Simply Ravishing

I’m not going to lie. I went through a pretty vicious wrestling phase when I was younger. Every week, a friend and I would, swear to god, take our shirts off and act out or own pudgy, pre-adolescent morality plays in each other’s basements. I was a character called Devil Dog, the WWF’s Intercontinental Champion. I entered the ring to Bruce Springsteen’s “No Surrender.” My friend was the Heavyweight Champ, known simply as Wild Thing. I’ll give you one guess what his entrance song was. Together, he and I shared the Tag-Team title, holding off, in a series of epic matches, the Twin Towers—Big Boss Man and Akeem the Dream (ne One Man Gang). I don’t think we had a name. We were simply Devil Dog and Wild Thing, and we were badass. Or as badass as two socially awkward and positively shirtless 11-year-olds could be. 

Back then, it was sort of cool to watch the WWF. (Acting it out, not so much.) Professional wrestling hadn’t yet devolved into the nu-metal spectacle of hate, ignorance and unbridled testosterone it is today. The WWF might have been ridiculous, but it wasn’t entirely without charm. The British Bulldog, Davey Boy Smith, for instance. The good guys, more often than not, emerged victorious, and hubris, embodied most spectacularly in the person of Mr. Perfect, was always punished—usually with an atomic drop. Karma was indeed instant.

All this is a somewhat rambling, semi-coherent explanation of why I’m so excited about hirsute history, branded t-shirts that feature the hair of famous people. Sure, they have writers and modern painters and physicists. But they also have wrestlers from the 1980s. That the t-shirts come in Hulk Hogan’s famous yellow and red color scheme only make the shirts that much more desirable and.... what's the word... awesome. They picked the right wrestlers, too. The aforementioned Hulkster. Andre the Giant. Rowdy Roddy Piper (one of my favorite villains). Hackshaw Jim Duggan. Ravishing Rick Rude. And, perhaps best of all, Mean Gene Okerlund, the WWF’s tuxedoed announcer.

In case you're wondering, I wear a medium. Also, here's a bonus clip of a 1988 Jim Duggan appearance on a regional talk show. The Hacksaw is promoting his upcoming fight against Andre the Giant. The clip is a startling look into the scrambled mind of one of the WWF's most interesting characters. Devil Dog, for all his preternatural talents and youthful charisma, just never measured up.

Can the Braves Win the Wild Card?

With the Yankees running away with the American League East, I’m now officially turning my attention to the Atlanta Braves and the National League Wild Card race. Before the season started, I somewhat foolishly predicted that the Braves would win the National League East, with the lowly and astonishingly bad Mets taking the Wild Card. Today, though, my money’s on the Braves taking the Wild Card.

Since the end of June, the Braves, believe it or not, own the second-best record in the National League, going 32 -18 over the past two months. They are now a season-high eight games over .500. But they still have their work cut out for them. As of this morning, with 38 games to play, the Braves sit a distant four games behind the streaking Colorado Rockies, winners of 53 of their last 79. They’d also have to overtake a strong, but shaky San Francisco Giants team, and hold off the stubborn Florida Marlins, reasonable but certainly not inevitable outcomes.

I think, then, that the Wild Card is going to come down to a two-team race between the Braves and the Rockies. If the Braves are going to pull this off, though, they’re going to have to rely on their starting pitching, because their hitting (Brian McCann’s recent outstanding contributions notwithstanding) leaves a lot to be desired. Atlanta’s rotation—Javier Vazquez, Derek Lowe, Jair Jurrjens, Kenshin Kawakami and rookie Tommy Hanson, with rehabbing Tim Hudson waiting in the wings—enjoys a healthy 3.54 ERA, the fourth lowest in the National League and more than half-a-run better than their Colorado counterparts (including the recently disabled Aaron Cook), which sports a somewhat pedestrian 4.14 ERA. 

At the same time, the Braves’ bullpen, anchored by closer Rafael Soriano and set-up man Mike Gonzalez, is, arguably, one of the most reliable in the National League. The Braves’ pitching staff, as whole, also possesses a formidable 7.5 strikeouts per 9 innings, compared to Colorado’s 6.9, a significant advantage that could help the Braves eek by the Rockies before the season ends.

What else is working in the Braves advantage? Not much, actually. Both Atlanta and Colorado have five series remaining against teams above .500, while Colorado enjoys only three more remaining home games (22) than the Braves (19). Pretty even, I’d say. Honestly, I have no idea whether or not the Braves can pull this out, but I’m looking forward to watching them give the Rockies, everybody’s flavor of the month, a run for their money.

19.19 Seconds

Usain Bolt is still fast. A few days removed from shattering the 100-meter world record in a ridiculous 9.58 seconds, Bolt ran 200 meters in an equally ridiculous 19.19 seconds, another world record and just three-tenths of a second off his 100-meter pace. Double the meters; double the time, basically, just like a machine. Most humans run out of steam the farther and faster they run. Not so with Bolt. The man, if you can call him that at this point, seemingly has no problem maintaining world-record speed over long distances. I seriously wouldn't be surprised if, later this week, he dashed off 300 meters in under 29 seconds. 

Kevin Durant at the Movies

Kevin Durant is a man of many talents. Not only is he the most promising and, arguably, most exciting young player in the National Basketball Association, he’s also a pretty good film critic.

For the past few days, in between hours-long practices and work out sessions, Durant has been watching DVDs during his downtime, tweeting his by-the-minute commentary. Most recently, he screened "Obsessed," Beyonce’s broken-down star-making vehicle, and J.J. Abrams’ "Star Trek," which, given its November DVD release date, must be a bootleg or an advance copy or something.

Here are some of Durant’s more trenchant reactions to "Obesessed":

Man if I have a wife and we arguing and she say ‘get out my house’ ima laugh and ask her is she high lol…pleaaassseee.

Ladies don’t try n be like beyonce cuz the fellas will flip and kick yo a** out lol.

Moment of truth.

Lol beyonce got a big a** head..cuz she head butted da mess out that girl..I woulda been outtaaa dere…my scalp woulda been bruised.

While Durant clearly had a lot to say about Obsessed, in comparison, he wasn’t particularly taken with the latest incarnation of the Star Trek franchise. Or should I say enterprise? I get confused. Still, Durant did manage to bang out a few keepers, and raise a number of somewhat interesting if somewhat curious points.

If you ship run outta gas n space…where would you refuel at?

Good question, Kevin.

Zoe saldana is beautiful…nice smile.

Yes, she is. 

Spock as a little kid would beat da hell outta mcauley caulkin in home alone.

Highly illogical.

Dirty blond to redhead and back again. Don’t worry, Kirk’s still a natural dickhead underneath.

Sorry, that last line is from Anthony Lane’s "New Yorker" review of the film. You get the point, though. 

No word yet on which movie Durant plans on watching next? Here’s hoping he gets his hands on an early copy of "Julia & Julia." I can't wait to read what he has to say about Nora Ephron.

Derek Jeter is Underrated

Believe it or not, this is the growing consensus. After going after Jeter for a few grafs, SI's Joe Posnanski, a Bill James-type writer if there ever was one, finally celebrates the Yankees captain and his remarkable 2009 season.  He writes:

I think that in many ways Derek Jeter this year has added a third title. He has, against all odds, become UNDERRATED. And that is a wicked turn. I think Jeter at 35 is having one of his greatest seasons. I think he's playing defense better than he ever has, he's getting on base and slugging like he did in his prime, and in my view he has been the Yankees most valuable player in 2009. And, for once, it's funny, I don't hear too many other people talking about it.

For years, Jeter's abilities, specifically his defensive chops, have been simultaneously championed and dismissed by his admirers and detractors. His fans, as Posnanski points out, argue that Jeter's greatness cannot be measured by simple statistics. How, his fans argue, can you quantify this or this? His detractors, on the other hand, highlight his limited range and declining UZR rating. And, you know what, both camps are right. From year to year, Jeter, while playing at an enviably high level, isn't the best shortstop in the league. (Hell, when A-Rod came over in 2004, Jeter, some argued, wasn't even the best shortstop on his team). This year, too, for instance, Florida's Hanley Ramirez and Tampa's Jason Bartlett enjoy better offensive numbers, while Texas' Elvis Andrus, Milwaukee's J.J. Hardy, Toronto's Marco Scutaro and Los Angeles' Raphael Furcal, according to FanGraphs, are better defensively. 

Since he broke into the league, though, Jeter's been one hell of a baseball player. It's about time his numbers, the hitherto computable evidence against him, are finally in step with what Jeter's fans have been saying for years. He's simply one of the best in the game. 

Forget Favre

The big news today is that Brett Farve emerged from his Mississippi ranch and saw his shadow. Which means, of course, he gets to play quarterback again this season--this time for the Minnesota Vikings. Lucky them. This annual event, which is about as predictable and relevant as Groundhog's Day, is just silly. How long do football fans have to pretend to care about a washed-up quarterback who can't resist throwing into double coverage, and can't just leave well enough alone?  I don't care that he's coming back. I don't care that he's playing for Green Bay's division rival. I don't care that he won a Super Bowl 13 seasons ago. I simply don't care.

The only football I plan on watching this year is "Friday Night Lights," which kicks off its fourth season this October. 

(Thanks to B.A. for pointing out the image)

9.58 Seconds

Usain Bolt, the world’s fastest man, shattered the 100-meter world record Sunday night during the world championships in Berlin, Germany. And by shattered, I mean, completely and utterly pounded it into dust. 100 meters, 9.58 seconds. Less time than it takes most men to lace up their shoes.

Bolt only needed 33 strides to reach the finish, shaving the most time off the world record since the introduction of electronic timing, according to BusinessWorld, which also noted that Bolt’s pre-race breakfast was an order of chicken nuggets. Even more amazing, Bolt’s godlike performance comes on the heels of an April car crash in his native Jamaica that resulted in a busted left foot and a small operation to rest the broken bone.

Bolt bested his previous 100-meter best, (9.69, also a world record), which he easily set during last years’ Olympics—after slowing down during the last ten yards or so to pound his chest. After the race, physicists from the Institute of Theoretical Astrophysics at the University of Oslo, Norway, estimated that Bolt, had he sprinted straight through the finish, would have clocked in at 9.55 seconds. At the time, most people scuffed at the calculation. Impossible, critics said. Usain Bolt begs to differ.