Bruins Rules

You don't need to be a fan of hockey to enjoy the following commercials for the Boston Bruins. They're the best thing to come out of Boston since Kevin Garnett's injury report.

Picked Apart

Jimmy the Greek I am not. 

I had as much success predicting the outcomes of this weekend’s playoff games as Donald Rumsfeld did planning the occupation of Iraq. I went an embarrassing 0 for 4, bringing my postseason tally to an underwhelming 2-6. I guess I could spin this statistic, dear reader, and say that your intrepid blogger accurately calls one-third of all sporting events, but I’d rather wallow in the ineptitude of my own picks and not take up valuable Internet space dissembling about known unknowns or known knowns. 

Still, aside from the last-minute Chargers nod, I was confident in my selections. Tennessee gave the game to Joey Flacco and the Ravens, with a helping hand from the referees, too, I might add. Nobody—and I mean nobody—gave the Cardinals even a puncher’s chance against Carolina. I don’t think many people could blame me for taking either team.  

The Giants, on the other hand, totally exposed my handicapping abilities. That one hurt. I’m usually pretty good at spotting trends. This Eagles team is eerily reminiscent of last year’s Giants team, which came out of nowhere to win three straight playoff games on the road, before eventually knocking off the Patriots in the Super Bowl. The Eagles and the Giants are so much alike I actually refused to believe it. No way, I thought, is another low-ranking NFC East team going to win three road games to get to the Super Bowl, especially after a terrible up-and-down season. Even with the playoff beards. I just wasn’t ready to buy into them. Hell, I’m still not. As solid as the Eagles played yesterday, the Giants looked like absolute hell. They were about as ready to defend their title as the Celtics have been since they finally started playing games away from Boston. Just a brutal loss for the Jints. 

As for the San Diego pick? What can I say, I took a shot. I actually like Pittsburgh. A lot. As late as Saturday night, I had in my mind a Steelers-Giants Super Bowl. I went with the hot hand and got burned. I should have stuck with my gut. 

I’m going to take a few days to think about what I did. It’s exactly this kind of sloppiness that justifies the recent shunning from my peers.  

Lightning Strikes Twice: A Fourth Playoff Haiku

Bolts, twice in two weeks,

Will overachieve and play

Host to Baltimore. 

Bolts 24 Steelers 16

Thundercats, Ho! A Second Playoff Haiku

Listen to Vegas:

Watch Carolina cover

and Warner go home. 

Panthers 31 Cardinals 17

Titans Anonymous: A Playoff Haiku

No Mawae? No sweat.

Remember the Titans have

Johnson, Kerry, White. 

Titans 20 Ravens 13

Wild-Card Detox

I watched approximately 12 hours of football this weekend, or roughly four times as much football as I took in during the previous 17 weeks, combined. I even went so far as to make a few predictions, too. Considering my general lack of interest in the NFL, I’m kind of pleased with myself for breaking even. (Less so for the lame haikus). In fact, until Michael Westbrook scrambled for 71 yards in the 4th quarter against the Vikings, I was a Ryan Longwell field goal away from getting out of the Wild-Card weekend with three correct picks out of four. 

There were three solid games this weekend, possibly four, depending on how much money you had on either the Eagles or the Vikings. By far, though, the most entertaining game was Saturday night’s Chargers-Colts match-up. I don’t know anyone who thought the 8-8 Chargers even had a shot against the Colts, winners of 9 straight. If you say you even heard of Darren Sproles before Saturday night, I’m going to have to call bullshit on that, dear reader. Four years ago, the guy went undrafted out of Kansas State and, this year, carried the ball 61 times all season. Nobody expected him to turn into Bird Williams against the Colts’ defense, including the Colts’ defense. Isn’t that right, Mr. Meeks?

As impressive as Sproles’s performance was, I’m a little confused as to why he has to share the spotlight with Chargers punter Mike Scifres, whose booming kicks pinned the Colts inside their own 15 six out of six times. Granted, the guy can kick the hell out of the ball, but it's hardly akin to Sproles running wild for 328 all-purpose yards against one of the league's better teams. I had to laugh this morning, when Peter King likened Scifres’s performance to Plaxico Burress’s against Green Bay in last season’s NFC Championship Game and, wait for it, Kobe Bryant’s 84-point [sic] performance against the Raptors. Just stop it. Right now. 

I hate it when hyperbole gets in the way of a good weekend of sports. 

The next five days off should get me ready for a second overdose of non-stop football. Incidentally, this is, by far, the best weekend of the NFL's season. The conference championships and Super Bowl are, historically speaking, pretty anti-climactic. It's all down hill after Sunday night. 

L'Étoile du Nord: A Fourth Wild-Card Haiku

Westbrook contained, while
Peterson runs wild all day
Vikings buck the trend

Vikings 27 Eagles 20

Nevermore: A Third Wild-Card Haiku

3-4 defense stops 

Pennington's resurrection

Ravens escape late

Baltimore 17 Dolphins 13

Indy Spirit: A Second Wild-Card Haiku

Rivers runs alone
Peyton Manning, MVP
Coaches final games?

Colts 27 Chargers 16

Birds of Prey: A Wild-Card Haiku

Last minute sell out
Warner, Boldin, Fitzgerald
Cardinals move on

Cardinals 41 Falcons 17