In his soon-to-be published memoir, True Compass, Senator Ted Kennedy writes about his first case as young Boston prosecutor. He was going after a man charged with downing 26 drinks while watching a Yankees-Red Sox doubleheader, who then crashed his car near Fenway Park. (Ed. Note: the defendant was not, in fact, a Kennedy, or a Doyle, for that matter.) Kennedy writes that he figured the case was a slam dunk. But the hometown jury acquitted the defendant minutes after the man's attorney argued his client's "principal crime is that he cheered for the Boston Red Sox." It's hard to argue with that.
Last night, during the second inning of the Red Sox-Tigers game, Tigers pitcher Rick Porcello, a product of New Jersey, drilled Kevin Youkilis with a high-80s fastball, just above Youk’s protective arm gear, reportedly in retaliation for Red Sox pitchers Brad Penny and Junichi Tazawa hitting Tigers slugger Miguel Cabrera on consecutive nights. (Youkils was also hit on back-to-back nights). Youk, probably still sore about his recent poor performance in the outfield, took offense, and charged the mound. At first, Porcello didn’t want any part of the impending imbroglio, so he sidestepped the charging, puffy glob of sweat, until Youkilis, in a truly embarrassing act of frustration, threw his batting helmet at him. And this is where Porcello broke out the tried-and-true fighting style of the Garden State: avoid the initial onslaught, wrap up your opponent, toss him to the ground, and then wait for your friends to break things up before things get out of hand. I’ve used this technique many, many times. It got me through high school.
Although I wouldn't say that Youkilis got his ass kicked, I can't exactly say he comported himself heroically or even well during the dust up either. Porcello, on the other hand, did what he had to do to get through the melee. To the victor go the spoils. Here's last night's scuffle in all its glory.
With the hated Red Sox coming into town for a highly charged four-game series against the streaking Yankees, President Obama has an idea for putting this bitter, century-old rivalry to bed, once and for all. It is High, It is Far, It is... Caught has all the details.
Now that I think about it, Obama does drink a lot. Which is probably why I like him so much. And this picture page is why I like the mad geniuses at It is High, It is Far, It is... Caught so much. Just brilliant. Please click through.
Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean that really got out of hand fast. There are still 102 games left to play this season, the majority of which are not, thankfully, mercifully, against the Red Sox, the class of the American League. The fuckers.
Hardly. Look, I'm not having any fun watching the Yankees lose seven straight (eight, going back to last year) to the Sox, but the Yankees are only one game behind in the standings. One game, even after spotting Boston seven--seven!-- wins. Things could be a whole lot worse, believe me. All a fan needs to do is think back to last year, when the Yankees, on the last day of August, were a staggering 12.5 games behind the Tampa Rays, eventually missing the playoffs for the first time since 1995. The Yankees, despite their team-wide impotence against the Sox, are still 34-18 against the rest of baseball, a very healthy 16 games over .500. Boston, on the other hand, is a rather uninspiring 28-24 against teams not from the Bronx. Amazingly, then, a game or two here or there, and the Yankees would currently enjoy a comfortable advantage over their rivals. Should've. Could've. Would've. That's why they play the game. And that's why, later tonight, the Yankees get a chance to win their first game in nine attempts against the Sox, and walk out of Boston in a flat-footed tie for first, not worrying at all about which team they're supposedly looking up at in the standings.
Less than 24 hours after David Ortiz hit his first home run in 149 at-bats dating back to last season, Dick Cheney delivered a self-aggrandizing national security speech to the uber-conservative American Enterprise Institute. Coincidence? I don't think so. In recent years, Big Papi and Big Dick-y have been, at least to me, the root of all evil. I don't know this for certain, but I'm pretty sure neither man can be stopped without the aid of a wooden spike.
This is also cheering me up. After sitting out the past couple of days to "clear his head," David "Papi Stinks" Ortiz returned to the Boston lineup last night and went 0-for-3 in the Sox's 2-1 victory over the Blue Jays. Ortiz's homerless streak is now up to 133 at-bats, which, as of this writing, is the longest drought to start a season by any player who previously recorded a 50-HR season since Greg Vaughn went 132 at-bats in 2002, according to the Elias Sports Bureau. (Incidentally, Vaughn hung up his cleats the following year). Ortiz will try to break his own record later tonight when he steps in against Blue Jays rookie Brett Cecil.
Ortiz, for several seasons and countless playoff games, has injected Red Sox games with drama and fans with elation, his larger-than-life persona turning him into a near-cartoon hero. Yesterday, he was something else. More than at any point since he came to the Sox in 2003, Ortiz looked frail and human.
"I'm sorry, guys," Oritz said. "I don't feel like talking right now. Just put down, 'Papi stinks.' "
In a season chocked with frustration, Ortiz yesterday reached a nadir. He went 0 for 7 and left 12 men on base, which tied a team record, in a 5-4, 12-inning loss to the Los Angeles Angels. He was the last out of an inning four times. He struck out three times, including with the bases loaded and two outs in the fourth inning.
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For now, Ortiz remains the Red Sox' designated hitter and their third batter in the lineup. Capable hitters surround Ortiz in the order, ensuring he'll have chances to blast out of his slump. The question is, how much longer can the Sox afford to wait?
Not that I'm complaining, but what the hell is going on with David Ortiz? He hasn't hit one out in 142-plate appearances this year. The last time he hit a home run was in Game 5 of the American League Championship Series against the Tampa Rays, in October, or about forever and a day in baseball parlance. Ortiz is suffering through a power outage that would make Enron (and Mark Teixiera) turn away in horror. Although it's far from time to report Big Papi's demise, it doesn't look good for the anointed "Greatest Clutch Hitter in the History of the Red Sox."
Yahoo! Sports' Gordon Edes crunched the numbers. The results aren't pretty, Sox fans:
His performance at this stage resembles another large-bodied first baseman, Cecil Fielder, who at age 33 in 1997 hit three home runs in his first 201 at-bats and finished the season with 13 home runs in 98 games for the Yankees. A year later, after hitting 17, Fielder’s big-league career was over.
Since 1954, there have been 19 players who have hit 50 home runs in a season, including Ortiz, who hit a career-high 54 in 2006. Of those 19, only one, Greg Vaughn, went longer at the start of a season than Ortiz without a home run. Vaughn, who hit 50 for the San Diego Padres in 1998, went the first 37 games in 2002 for the Tampa Bay Rays without a home run. On May 18, on his 159th plate appearance and 133rd at-bat, he finally connected, and later hit another homer in the same game.
Vaughn, 36 that season, wound up batting .163 with eight home runs, and retired a year later.
To add insult to injury, the maniacs at It is High... compiled a list of current Red Sox players who have yet to hit a home run this season.
Tim Wakefield Jonathan Papelbon Jon Lester Ramon Ramirez Javier Lopez Manny Delacarmen Josh Becket Takashi Saito Hideki Okajima Brad Penny David Ortiz
All kidding aside, though, Edes also points out that Ortiz is the only 50-homer hitter to go this long into the season without hitting a homer, including Brady Anderson and Luis Gonzalez, two guys often accused of using performance-enhancing drugs during their respective 50-home run seasons. Like it or not, Ortiz's out-of-nowhere, four-year home run production, from 2003 to 2007, certainly raises more than a few eyebrows, especially following the recent A-Rod and Manny revelations. Personally, though, I'm more inclined to say Ortiz is just getting old, and is still dealing with the lingering effects of debilitating knees and wrist injuries, which could also explain his drastic drop in bat speed. Perhaps I'm being too generous. Maybe I'm still being naive. Either way, Ortiz is no longer producing terrifyingly high offensive numbers, which is fine by me.
In his soon-to-be published memoir, True Compass, Senator Ted Kennedy writes about his first case as young Boston prosecutor. He was going after a man charged with downing 26 drinks while watching a Yankees-Red Sox doubleheader, who then crashed his car near Fenway Park. (Ed. Note: the defendant was not, in fact, a Kennedy, or a Doyle, for that matter.) Kennedy writes that he figured the case was a slam dunk. But the hometown jury acquitted the defendant minutes after the man's attorney argued his client's "principal crime is that he cheered for the Boston Red Sox." It's hard to argue with that. 
