Porcello's Jersey Defense Is Impregnable

Last night, during the second inning of the Red Sox-Tigers game, Tigers pitcher Rick Porcello, a product of New Jersey, drilled Kevin Youkilis with a high-80s fastball, just above Youk’s protective arm gear, reportedly in retaliation for Red Sox pitchers Brad Penny and Junichi Tazawa hitting Tigers slugger Miguel Cabrera on consecutive nights. (Youkils was also hit on back-to-back nights). Youk, probably still sore about his recent poor performance in the outfield, took offense, and charged the mound. At first, Porcello didn’t want any part of the impending imbroglio, so he sidestepped the charging, puffy glob of sweat, until Youkilis, in a truly embarrassing act of frustration, threw his batting helmet at him. And this is where Porcello broke out the tried-and-true fighting style of the Garden State: avoid the initial onslaught, wrap up your opponent, toss him to the ground, and then wait for your friends to break things up before things get out of hand. I’ve used this technique many, many times. It got me through high school.

Although I wouldn't say that Youkilis got his ass kicked, I can't exactly say he comported himself heroically or even well during the dust up either. Porcello, on the other hand, did what he had to do to get through the melee. To the victor go the spoils. 

Here's last night's scuffle in all its glory.

There Are No Small Parts. Only Future Bigheaded, Sweaty Baseball Players

While trying to figure out which current members of the Boston Red Sox have taken performance-enhancing drugs, I stumbled across this interesting piece of Wiki-trivia about Kevin "The Greek God of Walks" Youkilis (Ed. Note: he's actually of Romanian and Jewish descent).

As a 14-year-old, little Youk had a cameo in the Melanie Griffin and Ed Harris romantic comedy Milk Money, which was filmed in Youkilis's hometown of Cincinnati, where he presumably dreamed of making it big with fellow Cincinnattian Nick Lachey.   

For your viewing pleasure, I offer you Kevin Youkilis's theatrical debut.

The borderline pubescent Youkilis isn't as ugly or sweaty as he is today, but that face most definitely belongs to the man who last year, seemingly out of nowhere, crushed 29 home runs--or almost twice as many as his previous career high and one less than he hit throughout his entire five-year minor league career, when he was developing his batting eye.