Major-League Smokers And Other Missed Opportunities

Sports Illustrated just published online 25 Things We Miss in Baseball. The list, which includes prosaic things like stirrups, no pepper signs, and high leg kicks, is largely hit-or-miss. I would, though, gladly welcome back into the game Youppi, the Expos mascot of indeterminate origins, and bullpen carts. Ditto balanced schedules and, if I'm being honest, organ music.

More interesting, I think, is the magazine’s companion 1o Things We Don’t Miss in Baseball, particularly numbers 5 and 7—Terrible Uniforms and Players Smoking in the Dugout—which, as a fan, I desperately want to see put back into practice right away, like before the first pitch of tonight’s game. Seriously, who wouldn’t want to see, say, Roy Oswalt taking the mound in this? Or Jamie Moyer lighting up in between innings, like Harvey Haddix did throughout his 13-inning, near-perfect game on May 26, 1959? 

I'm serious. Who wouldn't get a kick out of seeing this every night?

 

Or this?

Hell yeah. In fact, the more I think about these two lists, the more I realize that if I were to put together a Venn Diagram, the Cardinals-era Keith Hernandez, with his stirrups, quality stache, reported philandering, cookie-cutter, faux-grass home park, old-school manager, and, most importantly, his pack of smokes, would be its union. Just one more reason to love Mex. Thanks, SI, for a job well done. 

The Mysteries of Pittsburgh

The ink has yet to dry on the ridiculous contracts of Indian pitching fads Rinku Singh and Dinesh Patel—neither of whom even picked up a baseball until last year—but the Pittsburgh Pirates are already in hot pursuit of another free-agent talent: Mark Loretta.

The 37-year-old Loretta, oddly described by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette as the Pirates’ longtime nemesis (isn’t that Robert Nutting?), hit .280 with four home runs and 38 RBI last season for Houston. Loretta is a respectable .297 career hitter and, in fairness, a pretty reliable infield glove. And, as the article points out, a number of teams are interested in his services.

Still, he’s Mark Loretta, a player contending teams bring in to shore up their defense in the late innings. He’s not the answer, and he really shouldn’t be the Pirates’ marquee off-season target, particularly after they shipped off, in mid-season, favorites Jason Bay and Xavier Nady to the Red Sox and Yankees, respectively; and especially not after the team’s pitching staff finished the 2008 season with a 5.08 earned run average, dead last in the National League.

I understand the organization can't chase after the likes of C.C. Sabathia or Mark Teixeira, but they can't even set their sights higher than Mark Loretta or two kids who don't yet know how to pitch against live batters? Man, it just has to be punishing to root for the Bucs. Their fans aren't even allowed to get excited about the Hot Stove.